Understanding Grief: A Personal Reflection on Loss and Healing
Grief isn’t just about losing someone; it’s about the void they leave behind. We often hear that time heals all wounds, but what happens to the space in your life that remains empty? As I reflected on my own personal experience, I wrote down a simple yet profound sentence from the Sadhguru podcast that resonated with me:
“Grief isn’t about the loss of the person but the gap they leave behind – a hole in your life that only the absent person can fill.”
This is the true nature of grief: it’s not just about the physical absence, but the emotional, spiritual, and often invisible space that’s left behind.
For anyone who has ever experienced loss, that gap is impossible to ignore. It’s the dinner table with an empty chair, the sound of laughter that no longer fills the room, or the silence on a day that used to be shared. While others might move on, filling their days with distractions and busyness, for the person in grief, that emptiness remains.
This emptiness is what makes grief feel so heavy. It lingers in the moments between breaths, in the spaces where there was once love and presence. Even when surrounded by others, grief has a way of isolating us, making the world feel distant and muted.
For me it’s the small moments that trigger powerful memories. For example I will be sat in bed reading a book and remember my father reading many many books and chatting to me about them. Looking back it is both a poignant and a painful memory all wrapped up in one. I wouldn’t change those memories for all the money in the world. I miss my father but also have a deeper knowing and trust that he is with me everyday in the best way possible. Daddy you will always be my hero, always.
In my own experience, I’ve found comfort in understanding grief from a different perspective — the yogic way of looking at life. According to ancient yogic philosophy, life is seen as a cycle, spanning 84 years. It’s a continuous flow of experiences, emotions, and growth. Death, then, is not the end, but part of the natural rhythm of existence. My father always advocated for this. It was his belief that death is very much a part of the journey of life. It is only in my grief journey that I have come to accept this. Until now I have tried hard to ignore death as a concept; believing that I wouldn’t lose anyone for many more years to come.
When viewed from this lens, grief transforms. It becomes less about the permanence of loss and more about the continuation of life’s cycles. The pain doesn’t vanish, but it can be understood as part of a broader, universal experience. For many, this provides a sense of peace, a way to reconcile the sorrow with the ongoing march of life. I’m working through this and there are days when it feels philosophical and days when it feels downright painful and all I want to do is cry and not accept that he is gone.
Interestingly, there’s also a connection between grief and the body. On September 21st, as the moon reaches its first quarter, many people feel grief more deeply in their bodies. There’s a physical component to sorrow, one that manifests in aches, fatigue, or even an overwhelming heaviness. It’s a reminder that grief is not just an emotional process, but a physical one too. Our bodies carry the weight of loss, and it’s important to honour that by giving ourselves the time and space to heal.
As we navigate the journey of grief, it’s essential to remember that it’s not linear. There are days when the gap feels smaller, and others when it feels like a chasm. But by acknowledging both the emotional and physical aspects of grief, we can start to move towards healing. Not by filling the gap, but by learning to live alongside it.
In the end, grief is not something to be “fixed” or “overcome.” It is a natural part of the human experience, one that connects us to the deeper cycles of life and the universe. Through understanding and compassion, we can learn to carry it with us — not as a burden, but as a testament to the love and connection we have experienced.
Conclusion:
Grief is as much about presence as it is about absence. It’s the love that lingers after someone is gone, the memories that remain etched in our hearts. It’s a space that no one else can fill, and perhaps that’s okay. Maybe we aren’t meant to fill that space, but to honour it. To allow it to shape us, teach us, and ultimately, remind us of the beauty and fragility of life. We are not granted forever in life. All we have is right now, the moment in front of our eyes which is both scary and liberating in equal measures.
If you are in grief right now, take solace in knowing that the gap is part of the journey. And while it may never close completely, it can transform, becoming a space not just of sorrow, but of remembrance and love.