Doing things, the “right” way.

I was going through my goal planner to set up my July action steps, and I caught myself thinking “I need to write my goals for July the right way”. This then got me thinking about how the task list should look and how to make it look neat. (by the way – how your project list looks or what you write it down on is NOT important!)

I found that this one thought was stopping me from really reflecting on the first half of the year and then it made me freeze when it came to looking forward. My brain was subconsciously telling me – wait!! if you don’t do this the “right” way you will fail!

What then happened was that I put my goal planner down and didn’t come back to it for over a week. My brain had talked me out of even planning July altogether. When you don’t plan at all and don’t set yourself up for success, guess what happens? You don’t achieve anything, or if you do – it’s random and difficult to replicate.

I decided to try again but this time I took a different approach. The coach in me knew what I needed to do so I was ready to have another go.

I took my goal planner out and I stopped.

 I thought to myself “hang on, what does the right way even look like??!” My brain didn’t have an answer. It literally went blank. Then I giggled to myself. I reminded myself, there is no “right” way to do anything in life. It’s how our brains talk us out of getting into action to on big projects.

Our brains like to keep us safe and away from harm and danger. It’s a basic function of our brain – to keep us alive and safe. The staying alive part makes sense – we need food to function on a basic level and generally keep going. The staying safe part also makes sense from the point of view that we learn not to touch a hot cooker or to run out onto a busy road. Fear is useful in those areas. It’s how we learn what to do and not do.

But what fear is not useful for - is doing some truly exciting things in life – launching a business, losing weight, working on big projects and so on. In these situations, fear keeps you from moving forward if it’s not dealt with head on.

The problem is our brains are wired the exact same way they were as our ancestors.

OUR BRAINS SEE ANY THREAT AS DANGER.

Today those threats come from things that we actually want to do such as lose weight, build a business, become more confident, write a book and so on. The threat is more about it being scary to do something different than it is about being eating by tigers. Our brains think “this is unknown territory” and our bodies then pick up on this fear via nerves and doubt and confusion. Our bodies however react to physical and mental threats the same.  Our brains see both as things to stay away from.

That means that when you try to do something new and different your brain reacts. It starts throwing up all sorts of doubts and fears to get you to stop doing whatever you are trying to do. Thoughts come up like “I’m don’t know what I’m doing” or “I must do this the right way” or “what if I fail? And mess everything up?”. What your brain is trying to do is STOP you from doing something unknown and unpredictable. Our brains thrive on habit which is why habits create an easy life – they’re ingrained and require less brain energy. New things require energy and concentration to work on.

If you listen to the negative thoughts and act on them then what happens is that you decide not to start something new or to even explore options. 90% of the time you don’t end up pursuing the thing you really want. Because dreams are scary, they are unpredictable and there is always an element of risk and failure.

I deal with this by looking doubt head on, acknowledging that it has come up and thinking to myself “ok so this feels uncomfortable but I’m going to have a go at making one teeny tiny step forward”. I’m going to have a go and then reflect on what I’m doing. That is where I use my planning head to really dig deep into what I’m doing. I lean into the fear and I keep going. THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC IS!

Your biggest growth is sitting in those moments that scare you. It is those moments really show you what’s possible in life if you lean into the doubt.

Having doubt isn’t a problem. When it comes up and I feel confused I step back, and I start writing it down.

I write down the thoughts I’m having and how I’m feeling and then I look for evidence of the opposite. So for example when launching a business felt scary I created a list of what I DO know and how I’m in the right place to have a business. When I first started my weight loss journey I felt like losing 10Kg was impossible. I made a list of how I was already making good progress. Now I’ve not only lost the 10Kg but am working towards a new weight loss/maintenance goal.

What this does is train your brain to look for how things ARE working. You are actively training your brain to look for solutions instead of throwing up doubt to create problems and keep you frozen. When this happens, you move out of being stuck and into building momentum. You are then able to get into action easily and start putting action steps in place.

I challenge you to have a go at doing this next time you feel like you can’t do something or when you feel stuck. It will help shift your mind from staying in doubt and confusion to being willing to have a go, fail forward, and KEEP GOING.

What one thing do you really want to get started on that you’ve talked yourself out of from fear and doubt? How can you find evidence of what you DO know and build momentum from there?

Goals are never complicated; our brains can make them feel that way! Recognise that next time you feel unsure!

If you would like help breaking down your big picture goals for July, or moving through fear and doubt – message me today and I can help you get started.

If you want to work with me one-to-one book a consult here and we can start destroying the blocks that are keeping you stuck.