The Ego and that voice in your head
I almost didn’t write this blog post. When I got up this morning and knew that today was blog writing day my brain came up with one thought:
“I don’t have anything to write”.
When I kept thinking this, I didn’t feel great but I didn’t counter that thought. I let my thoughts spin. Then I had another thought…
“How am I going to write FIVE blog posts that are actually going to help people??!”
Then I felt really rubbish. And then I noticed a sudden feeling. It was like a coin dropped to the pit of my stomach. It’s that same feeling I get when I feel so nervous that I feel sick. It usually happens before something big like a pitch or an exam or a big party.
It was not a nice feeling at all.
Having done a lot of coaching work before I instantly knew one thing.
These thoughts, voices and doubts were not my confident self talking. They were all coming from my ego. The voice of fear and self-preservation. It’s the voice in your head, that even after knowing you are capable of something, will STILL tell you that you can’t do it.
So, what did I do next? I slowed down mentally and physically. I took three deep breaths and then started to reflect on what I was feeling. I started reflecting on what it is I love about blogging. And that started an internal dialogue that went like this:
“What it is it that I love about blogging and writing in general?”
“it’s the whole creative process, being able to write a post, edit it then watch it come to life on my website and on Instagram. I love being able to reach an audience and help them change their lives one day at a time, one book review at a time, one productivity hack at a time one mindset tool at a time.”
“What do I like writing about?”
“Absolutely anything I feel connected to. Right now that’s mindset work, goal setting, task management, being productive, life coaching and thought work/ego work”
“Why do I like these things?”
“Because they’re accessible to Every.Single.Person. There is no entry barrier to starting. We can all benefit from being happier, more peaceful and calmer AND we don’t need a tonne of money or expensive things to do it”
After having the internal conversation with myself I felt happier and this made me feel lighter. Ultimately I felt better. It took time to reflect and think about what blogging means to me but once I remembered why I was doing it and what it really means to me – the voice of doubt quietened down completely.
Do I still doubt myself when I write content? Yes! BUT what I don’t do is let that stop me from creating content and connecting with so many amazing inspiring people. I tell myself that my voice has a value and a unique one at that. I also tell myself that my content isn’t going to be perfect. Perfect was never the goal. Writing powerful content is and always will be!
Every single one of us has an amazing unique talent or skill. When we use those skills to do the things we are passionate about it creates something more powerful that we can ever really understand.
Overcoming negative thoughts isn’t about ignoring them or fighting them when they come up. You’re not trying to stop negative thoughts from coming up. That’s not the point. The thoughts aren’t the problem, it’s what you make thoughts mean that create any sort of problem. The starting point is to become aware of what you are thinking and that is where ego work comes in. In the holistic psychology world this is often called the work.
Ego work is about learning to hear the doubts and the ego thoughts come up and then learning to be kind to yourself. Not in am artificial way where you ignore the problem. But in a soul fulfilling way where you acknowledge what is really going on in your head. You also don’t shame yourself for having those thoughts. Having bad or doubtful thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person!
Doing things you don’t normally do will feel strange and your ego will immediately come up with several comments such as the one I had about having nothing to write.
If I had listened to that voice and not reflected on it or questioned it then this blog post would never exist. Then the thought you have in your head after reading it right now would never exist too. It’s kind of fascinating when you think about it like that!
I find things like this fascinating because we have more power over our brains and egos than is generally accepted by many people.
The Ego does its best to keep us safe. But the definition of safe 1000 years ago was about not being killed by beasts. Now safe to your ego means being comfortable and not looking like an idiot or doing things that feel uncomfortable.
The problem is that by not going outside of your comfort zone, or doing scary things, is that you end up leading a life that doesn’t make you feel fulfilled.
What I am NOT advising you to do is go and do something drastic just because it’s out of you comfort zone completely.
What I am talking about is finding a way to nudge yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. It can be as simple as drinking something different.
If, like me, you’re used to drinking coffee all the time this could involve drinking something completely different in the morning. I tried making my own fruit juices the other day and ,whilst I wasn’t used to the taste, it felt good to shake things up and do something new.
For me blogging is equal parts nerve-racking and exhilarating. It’s something I feel called to do in order to help people, teach them and inspire them. But it’s also a constant work in progress. The best things in life often are an ongoing process. There is no complete finish line.
What is your dream and something that feel a little nervous of starting? I would love to know in the comments.
See you in the next post!