The Duality of feelings
As human beings we experience so many different feelings on a daily basis. But what if you feel two opposing things at the same time?
For example did you know: You can be happy and sad at the same time. You can be deep in grief but also be curious about how the future may turn out. You can love someone close to you and hate them all at once for behaving a certain way on a particular day.. You can be nervous of a new beginning or venture and also feel butterflies of excitement.
You just might not allow yourself to feel opposing emotions at the same time or you might be judging yourself for feeling two completely different things at the same time. For example if you have ever been in deep grief I’m willing to bet you shamed yourself for feeling the slightest joy or happiness when you are “supposed to be sad”.
Having two opposite feelings at the same time is what’s known as duality of emotions and it is a very real part of life and what makes like so truly beautiful when we understand how to manage it.
Duality exists in so many forms in life. It’s about two things being able to peacefully exist together at the same time. It is natural for two things to coexist at once.
This dual nature of life doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong or that you are not doing this life right. It is in fact a very natural part of being a human being and living life. It’s just that we think we need to wait for one feeling to go before allowing the next one and this just isn’t the case. You are allowed to feel opposing things at the same time.
For me right now this means being in the thick of a heavy grief journey but also preparing for a new season of life and the next chapter of my life. Grief feels heavy and sad. Looking forward feels exciting and nerve racking. Both together feel like a lot and my heart swings between the two. My journal entries lately are a combination of sentences such as “I feel heartbroken with sadness, I miss him so much every day” and then sentences such as “I’m looking forward to spending time with the little ones over the weekend and getting all the cuddles”. It’s two different aspects of life but happening within the same timeframe. It’s not always easy to navigate the duality of feelings in life.
The mind likes to tell us “ let’s fully feel this feeling first then we can move into the next one” but in reality feelings don’t knock at the door and then wait patiently. They can roll in like a tide on the beach and wash over us, sometimes knocking us over and other times just peacefully moving on past. It’s about allowing all feelings and any feelings to simply exist. That can look like taking a deep breath in and simply saying out loud “I feel sad” or “I feel heartbroken” or even crying it all out to have a physical release of energy. Blocking feelings by creating guilt keeps emotions stuck in the body and traps them deep down. It is this stuckness that then results in blow up arguments, anger, frustration and resentment because the emotion has nowhere to flow to naturally.
Accepting duality of feelings in life takes time but it can help you to navigate complex feelings and allow them to just exist and move on. When you feel multiple things it helps to be in your body and label the feelings.
For example - with me when I feel stuck in sadness right now - I sit and I tell myself “I’m feeling sad in the weight of my grief, it feels like a ball in my chest” then I work on mentally releasing it by imagine it as a ball of thread slowly unwinding. Sometimes it works and sometimes I feel more sad. When I feel more sad I simply say “I feel sad” and I breath deeply in and out. If I’m feeling excited I also like to label it by saying “I feel excited” or “I feel so curious” and then smiling at myself. It may seem silly but labelling emotions and holding space for them allows them to move through your body and flow. It’s not a perfect practice by any means. Some days your body just wants to feel frustrated and cry or move and other days you feel like chatting and writing and healing. That is the balance of daily living and learning to listen to your heart and mind.