The Self-care Mindset

How many times have you heard the phrase “self-care isn’t selfish”? It sounds nice right? When you want to do something you for you can just do it. But how often do you remember that before you focus on you? If you’re anything like me that philosophy can easily go out the window when you have family and friends to focus on. That’s not entirely a bad thing! Spending time with loved ones in life is valuable and helps to build a legacy.

But sometimes it can feel draining if you don’t balance that with soulful time alone. This is where self-care comes in.

Focusing on your own care is important. You are just as important in your life as the people around you.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It really isn’t but does that make it any easier to prioritise self-care? Not really.

How do you get past the feeling that self-care is selfish?

By building the self-care mindset.

 

What does this actually look like?

Firstly, it’s about understanding that you are a human being, and your brain is your engine. It needs rest and care to function. Energy is not an infinite resource. We all feel drained at the end of the day. Even more so if we don’t allow ourselves soulful rest during the day. Additionally, if you’re not allowing yourself enough adequate sleep then you are going to feel drained much quicker!

Secondly, self-care allows you to create rhythms in your life – periods of activity and periods of rest. Being 100% active is exhausting but spending 100% of your day resting is also exhausting. Yes, you read that right. Doing nothing often results in the mind wandering between the past and future and that creates a LOT of mental stress. The brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination when it sends signals to your body. This is often why you can spend the day not doing much and still feel completely drained at bedtime.

And lastly, self-care allows you to include yourself as an important resource. It’s not about putting yourself first, it’s about realising you are ALSO important alongside your closest people. Just as you take care of those around you it’s important to look after yourself too! You have one life and it’s definitely valuable! Looking after yourself when others are taken care of often results in little or no self-care time/energy.

Reframe self-care as looking after your energy because THAT is what true self-care is.

START SMALL!!

If you don’t currently prioritise or make time for self-care, then blocking off a whole day will feel daunting. You’ll also be tempted to work to avoid down time.

Start with five minutes. When I first started out with self-care this meant taking 5 minutes to thoroughly enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning or around 4pm. That was it.

Other great options for five minutes of self-care include: deep breathing, reading books, listening to podcasts, moving along to your favourite song, doodling on a piece of paper, a walk around your home, drinking a glass of water slowly and so on.

Once you do five minutes regularly you can work your way up to thirty minutes or even one hour per day. Only if you feel like it. It’s about what you enjoy and what leaves you feeling rested. It all depends on what works with your life and routines. When you become a pro you could even block off a chunk of time such as 4 hours and have them all to yourself for soulful rest.

I like to paint my nails and listen to music or podcasts when I have a 2 hour self-care session.

On a Sunday when I have an extra 30 minutes after washing my hair, I like to put a face mask and read while the mask dries.

It’s got to work for YOU otherwise there is no point. If you don’t enjoy using face masks and you force yourself to use them because I mentioned them, you will end up not feeling cared for at all.

 Block off time in your calendar for spending time on you, the more you build this habit and the habit of taking time for you – the easier it will get to take time out of your day to re-energise. Recognise that you are JUST as important as a work meeting if not more. Without rest and true self-care, you can’t show up at work as your best self. It is in your best interest to make self-care non-negotiable.

WHAT COUNTS AS SELF CARE?

 Anything that restores you and helps to leave you feeling refreshed and rested. That will look different to each individual. One person may enjoy painting or embroidery to unwind whereas another person may prefer to do puzzles or play computer games. Many people also say that home DIY can be meditative. I have family members who love gardening as a soulful activity that gives them a good night’s sleep. That counts so long as it doesn’t feel stressful!

Self-care should not feel like work! That’s the only “rule” of sorts.

Self-care is NOT a stressful thing to be ticked off a list. It can go on a list if it helps you to see it as part of your everyday life. It’s about having rest – physically, mentally and emotionally.

I like to keep a list of various self-care activities so that depending on time and resources I can choose what I feel like doing.

We use our minds all day, consciously and subconsciously so it’s important to make self-care an easy thing to do otherwise your brain will talk you out of it.

There is no wrong or right way to go about self-care. The main thing is to STOP FEELING GUILTY.

You are allowed to rest and unwind as and when you have the opportunity to do so.

With that in mind I think I’ll go and make myself a nice cup of coffee. Nescafe Americano here I come!

What are you going to do to look after yourself today?

 I’ll see you in the next blog post!